Things went awry for me in my writer’s group meeting, yesterday. I was already feeling overwhelmed, and then when faced with a dogged critic, I lost my words. I knew I was probably expected to respond, but I just sat there. I must’ve seemed rude or angry, there was no “out” button. No recourse.
One of my autistic traits is selective mutism. It arises when I’m overwhelmed.
In social situations, I rarely ever know exactly what “happened” unless we’re talking about literal actions. I only know I walked away feeling bullied, and it triggered a trauma response.
It was early this morning before I got enough meltdown energy out of my system to sleep, but I kept jump-scaring myself awake with flashbacks to the meeting. The words. The ideas. The implications.
A quote: “Mild autism doesn’t mean I experience autism mildly, it means you experience it mildly.”