Quiet, Foot Pain, and a Big Realization

Quiet, Foot Pain, and a Big Realization

It’s time to celebrate because the demolition of the building next door is done! All that remains is a roped-off field of dirt, and my neighborhood is back to it’s eerily silent self.

I can’t believe how much better I feel already. When it was noisy, it felt like the energy flow in my body was all clogged up, but now things are moving again.

In other bodily news, I’ve been experiencing foot pain for months.

I need to exercise for my mental health. There are probably a lot of studies out there that demonstrate the connection between exercise and mental health, but that’s not important. The important thing here is that if you don’t want me writing on this blog every other day about how suicidally depressed I am, then I’ve got to exercise.

I’ve been dancing and lifting weights throughout most of the fall, but my foot has kept me from running. Last week, I tried to elliptical. I really hated it for a variety of reasons, but the subsequent benefits made me realize that I desperately need to do more cardio if I want to stop feeling as down as I have, lately.

I’ve never had my health at odds like this before. Exercise is good for one part of me, but bad for another.

About a week ago, I started soaking my foot in cold water after I’ve put too much stress on it (long walks, dance, workouts) and stretching before bed.

The pain was getting smaller and smaller, so I went to the gym last night and no one stopped me from running on the treadmill (not that anyone could have—I’m pretty sure I would’ve screamed and cried and clung to it), and it’s hurting a lot today.

After I couldn’t run anymore, I switched to the stationary bike. I didn’t want to go on the bike because I thought I’d hate it. I found it a little boring, but the main thing is that my foot doesn’t hurt when I’m on it. So, it’s the stationary bike for me until my foot gets better.

Anyway, despite my foot almost falling off, I did get to run, so everything else feels like it’s on an upswing.

Because it was finally quiet this morning, I gave myself a little extra healing time. I did some energy work, but I also did a couple of healing-focused tarot readings. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to get much insight from the tarot, but it ended up being really helpful.

I realized that I don’t believe that I’m worthy of people being reliable for me. I expect my emails and messages to go unanswered. I expect people to tell me one thing and do something else—not because they’re trying to fool me, but because they can’t be bothered to manage my expectations. I don’t believe people will put in the effort to make sure I have a positive experience with them.

It doesn’t feel personal in the traditional sense. It feels more like the universe arranges itself so that even the most well-intended people in the world will end up experiencing something that makes it impossible for them to make me a priority.

I feel like I’m up against something really massive when it comes to making connections with people. It’s not me. It’s not them. It’s the whole universe.

So, that’s what I got out of my tarot readings this morning, and it was a big shift for me. I don’t know what I’ll do about it, but I often find that merely recognizing something is the biggest step towards resolving it.

I don’t believe in the law of attraction, so I don’t believe that my thoughts shape my destiny in a metaphysical sense. I have found, though, that certain realizations change how I approach life, which changes what I get from it.

One comment

  1. Hope your foot heals quickly. So nice to have that noise gone! Being near a racket plays hob with me too. I’m glad your cards are helping you with insight. Even if it’s not resolved having a fresh perspective on a problem or condition usually helps me a lot, I wish the same for you! ~ LA

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